There is a moment of reckoning that each of us must confront within ourselves, the people who have disappointed us, betrayed us and wounded us. We will stumble over the reality that our life included circumstances we could not control, events we did not welcome and the impact it had on us. We must reckon with the damage done to our own soul, confronting the truth of it and wrestling with what we will do now.
Many times the reckoning comes after seasons of self-destruction, acting out or perhaps just drowning in a sea of discouragement and the nagging bitterness that lingers there, even when we try our best to rise above it. A moment of reckoning happens when we stand at a crossroad. It’s time for us to move on, but we feel weakened by the weight of our grief. We want more, but we know we are somehow handicapped by damage. In this moment of reckoning, we stare in the face of the people and circumstances that have polluted our experience in this life, the things to blame for our deficit. What’s more we don’t only see them, we see the changes in ourselves that occurred as a result and we take stock of our own altered beliefs, possibly poor behavior and the things in us that should be better and yet we cannot manage to change.
A real moment of reckoning, beckons the opportunity for lasting change, permanent freedom and ultimately the ability to fulfill our destiny, unchained by prior bondage of the mind and heart. By virtue of definition, to reckon is the judging of something, the settling of an account. So we will wrestle with questions we will choose to answer truthfully. What happened? Why? How did it damage me? What mistakes have I made that I blame on what life has dealt me? What parts of me have changed that don’t serve me or the ones I love? Will I release offenders from my judgment so I can be free? Am I willing to let go of disappointment even though I may not feel vindicated?
With every answer we take the time to painstakingly process with honesty, we gain freedom, strength and like a veil which has been lifted, we gain clarity and faith. We are empowered with faith in ourselves, faith in God and faith in others. The unexpected bi-product may very well be that the unseen bondage our blame and hurt has had on others, also frees them to move forward, to be better. The nagging stops. The shaming is silenced. The bitterness is sweetened by the presence of peace.
To think that such a monumental process of reckoning must happen alone is unnecessary. I believe that the single thing God wants most for us is freedom… that we live in Victory, as over-comers. Psalm 118:5 “In my distress I cried out to the Lord and He answered by setting me free.” For me, the simplest prayers are the most freeing. “Lord, I want to be free. I want to free others. Take these disappointments from me, heal the broken parts of me and help me move forward into all you have for me.”
Get recked. The us we want comes as we let. It. Go.